She Said He Said

I have a friend and for today I’m going to name her “she”
A God fearing kinda gal, very honest and sweet
Discrete, calm and quiet, nothing at all like me
The only thing we had in common was apparently a “he”
Oh but he was a slick one if I must say so myself
The kinda guy that could wink and make your heart melt
You know that guy… that jerk with the sexy smirk
That hottie with a body that made you feel so good
The guy that would date half the city at a time if he could
Wonder how I knew my he was her “he” too?
It didn’t take long. Poor girl she had no clue
He said things to her that I have heard him use
She said that he said to her she was his muse
The kinda girl that brought out the best in him
He told her he was not like the rest of them
No, not him… not quite like other guys
This guy can turn lies into sweet lullabies
And much to my demise [effortless], he needs not even try
So easy to love him it made me want to cry
She said that he said she was the love of his life
She said that he said she would someday be his wife
What he said to she he had once said to me
And like every other girl I so foolishly believed
But at that moment I walked out of his venomous circle
A dizzying dance of deception and hurt; no
I would not be the “she” in his story of “we”
When tomorrow this “we” would no longer consist of me
I said enough of what she said that he said
I’m sick to my stomach and it’s spinning my head
If she said that he said it was she who he loved
Then I say he and she can go on ‘cause I’m done

-APS-

Should Have Known

We used to be perfect; you and I
But I should have known it was a matter of time
I was told -“don’t be bitter and let love pass you by”
“Don’t dwell on your past”... “just let go”... “give it time”
“Let down your guards or you’ll end up alone”
Despite my better judgment I somehow let go
But deep down I should have known
With every touch, so gradually, you seeped into my soul
I lost control and there I was (such a fool)
Somehow... deeply in love wit you
I saw past your shortcomings; made peace with your flaws
Justified your absence; ignored signs through it all
Convinced myself of a lie, a life we had; you and I
But the truth is I should have known... but why?
Why did I pretend that we were something more
Your words lead me to believe it was my love you lived for
Now I sit here at night wishing I could go back; somehow retreat
Back to the days my heart still had a beat
Back to those nights when in your arms I'd fall asleep.
When love was more than just a fantasy
Back before you destroyed the best of me
I know that I knew but why did I not really know better
The lie that I lived when you and I were together
They say that this word “love” makes you do crazy things
That its beautiful but they don’t mention the suffering
Or the pain that you feel when the bottom falls out
When you look back on this “love” and your hearts filled with doubts
Was it real? Was it a lie? Did it really just end?
Can I piece my life back together yet again? If so when?
The love and the hate I feel for you run a race
I can’t even think of which will take first place; I’m confused
I should have known better but I still can't understand
How it is that after all this pain you're still that man
The realist love that my heart till this day has ever known
But you’re also the one who turned my heart to stone
Though through this pain and the years I know that I’ve grown
Somehow... I still should have known to let go

-APS-

Not A Victim

I am NOT a victim
of this skin or of my sins
I am the result of my decisions
though they taunt me, I seek wisdom
and never will you hear me say that helpless I stand
Or that afraid I shrivel up. Never!
I know that my color stunts me
I know that estrogen haunts me
Because as a Latina and even more so as a woman
I have to - for some reason - prove to you... What?
That my breasts won't weigh me down?
That my color won't shade my light when in a tunnel?
Hell NO!... I fight! Either way and make it right
My body won't define my life
My color won't make wrong things right
I am a person... I breathe what you breathe
and I feel what you feel. So you wanna keep it real?
Ok... then lets!

I am NOT a victim
society did not “hold me down”
My poor judgment, being young and naive
that's why I failed to succeed
Lying, stealing, hustling... whatever need be
That was me! It was easy
I had the opportunity to read and learn to lead
I had the tools to show these fools that they'll never own me
I chose to take the easy rout and chase money
The greed, indeed, it was the evil seed
and it grew... it began to consume me till I knew
it had to end!
No struggle, no progress... Ain't that the truth?
Not having much growing up surrounded by men
I was the only girl back then
Always being left behind
Never fast enough, never strong enough, till I opened my eyes
Says who that I can't drive down the base line
fake you out, drift your mind and score on you every time?
Who says that corporate ladders can't be climbed in pumps
A cute skirt, a blouse, make up and no spouse?
The choice it is mine. Has been from day one!
A victim is cheated or deceived, but how the hell can that be
when the deception was caused by only me?
I am the product of my choices and my environment
Endless numbers of years I've spent
Limiting myself to what a "woman" should or shouldn't do
To what immigrants are suppressed and bound to
Well forget this, I quit! I'm not blind now because I know

I'm not a victim
'Cause to deceive you must first get a hold of me
And I'm out of your league
I will not be your victim Mr. Limits, you can forget this!
I'll die before I become one of those statistics

- APS -

Addicted

I've felt your touch before
The sweet embrace of deception
How could I ever forget?
That feeling when you'd hold me
In just one moment you seep in
Through the cracks in my guards
Into me you leak like venom
So deep you reopen scars of my past
That touch that is never enough
A lust that overpowers reason
For no reason I've given in
Time and time again I'm weak to it
That poisonous caress
For it I've obsessed and I've sinned
Giving in to you each time
As you give in to me an air

I've felt your touch before
The chills that make me feel alive
Warmth so cold I feel numb inside
Passionate beyond comparison
I've been there with you inside
My heart, body and mind at one time
I've felt you when you weren't there
Desired you anywhere I'd go
Never free of your grasp I'd try
I just couldn't see past that feeling
That tantalizing touch I'd craved
Until the fantasy fades

You see, I've felt your touch before
That touch that lifts you till you soar
Forgetting the feeling of the ground
Until again you let me down, so abrupt
Had I had truly had enough?
Unsure I'd taste your sweet touch again
Near giving in to sin my eyes would open
And though I've felt your touch before
I would never want anymore of it
For the first time I could admit
I was done indulging in my weaknesses
Nesting in the fire you lit in my soul
It was over but I can't deny
You found a way inside each time I tried
To run, to hide from you and I
It felt so good every time we'd meet again
Back then I was weak I'd give in
Until I knew how great it felt to be
Free of that hold you had me

~APS~

I Gave You Me

I gave you me
All of me
Every smile, every breath
Every dream I had left
I gave you me
I risked it all
Despite the crash
I knew I'd fall
I knew that when you had it all
You'd go to her and never call
Still... I gave you me
Desperately, hopelessly
All that there was left of me
Was for you... but now
There is no me
My soul is lost
I set it free
In hopes it'd bring you back
And that some day we'd be
Happy
Now I'm on "E"
My tears are dust
My heart is lost
Only you know where it is
But it's not mine
Not anymore. You see
I gave you me
I don't want it back
I don't want to be
A me that dreams of we
I'd rather be stuck
Stuck in my misery
There is not enough to go around
I'm all out of me
I'm into you
So into you I'm lost
So deep a spell it's cost
Was me, every drop
A love with no end
It knows not where to stop
That me is chasing you
Overcome Hell it will do
To find you
Until then alone I'll be
Until I fit in we
Because I gave you all of me

~APS~